Dawdy Imagery | Depression & Passion

Depression & Passion

December 22, 2016  •  Leave a Comment

Looking back on the years I have come a long way and have many things to be proud of ... My supportive husband, our four furbabies, the roof over our heads, the car we own, the photography business we have built, the college degree I have earned and so much more!

 

So why ... oh why ... do I not have a smile on my face every waking minute?  We have so many things that sadly people wish they had ...

 

Everyone I know sees a person with a positive attitude and willingness to help when ever possible.  What they don't see behind closed doors is I am an emotional zombie!  I revert inside myself instead of talking with the love of my life.  I stress and over think every situation causing myself to become more closed off and want to sleep the problems away.  This results in countless hours of unneeded sleep and missed moments with my husband.

I know many people will say 'Everyone does this' and you feel you can do this because behind closed doors you can be your true self.  What if I do not like my true self behind closed doors?  What is this switch that turns positive to a negative as soon as I walk through the metaphorical door?

I have tried medication ... it helped for about 2-3 months, but then my body became immune.  Most people would revisit the doctor and up their prescription or try another anti-depressant.  I did not want the medication in the first place, but I do not know how to control my emotions and it became a last resort as I didn't want to start losing those closest to me.

My anti-depressant days are over ...

I am relieved of this decision, but it scares me to my core as I do not want to push those I love away, as I did last time.

 

My solution this time around ...

Using my passion of photography and nature as my natural anti-depressant.  It will be a struggle as sometimes I do not realize how quickly I fall into my depressive state, but the first step is being able to acknowledge the problem.

I want to sincerely apologize to all those that I may hurt or ignore...

It is my time to focus on me and produce the feelings that match my blessed life ... it is my time to help myself ... it is time to know it is okay to say 'no'. I may come off as the 'mean' person from time-to-time, but this thought comes to those that are trying to take advantage of my kindness.

I am not changing as a person, but I am changing the energy that surrounds me and showing myself that I am just as important as those I have helped throughout the years.

My name is Kristin Dawdy and I struggle with depression ...


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