We all have fought to become the people we are today ...
As I sit here I reflect on life struggles and how I have had the strength to move forward at times. Are you experiencing something in life that you cannot see through? Does it seem as though there is no way around this obstacle? How many days have you felt this way?
As you are reading this seconds even minutes have passed ...
My point is that life goes on whether we can see the light at the end of the tunnel or not.
My 2016 has been filled with more losses than anyone would want to bare...
It started with my husband's Uncle who was an amazing soul that loved to be with family and share his love by getting those closest to him together as much as humanly possible. When together, he filled the room with amazing memories that these gatherings had created. Within the week of his passing I had found that my life was about to change as my husband and I would be expecting our first child.
A little back story of what a miracle this was; we had been trying for close to ten years with no luck and within the previous year we had been emotionally strong enough to accept that it was not in the cards for us. We decided that in the future we may adopt, but conceiving our own was not in our path of life.
After the initial shock of the news of expecting we became ecstatic talking about our future, even started thinking of names. We were able to share our exciting life change with our closest family and cherish the thought of how this will be a happy addition to all of our lives.
Within the next week my emotions were going crazy with new hormones, appetite and frequent visits to the bathroom. It all seemed euphoric...
... then the unthinkable happened.
I started to miscarry.
I have experienced loss and it is never easy, but this kind of loss was the most heart wrenching experience. Many people do not discuss what goes through your mind as you are comprehending the loss of someone growing inside you; it is taboo in our society. Every woman will have different emotions, but these emotions hit you like a cannonball.
The guilt, sadness, what if's were circling over and over in my mind. Was it something I did or didn't do ... Should I have taken more vitamins, did I drink to much caffeine, was playing with my dogs a bad idea, was I eating wrong, was it caused by that one fast food meal I ate? Yes I know; these are all ridiculous questions to think about, but this was the process of grieving for me.
The next few weeks was about trying to keep myself together between the comfort food, sleeping, sitting in silence and holding my emotions inside. I have to take a moment to truly thank my husband and being strong as well as understanding my process through this ... it was hard for him to see me go through the physical and emotional effects of our loss.
It seemed like there was no way out of my depression from this experience ...
Though our world came crashing down ... the seconds, minutes, hours, days continued to pass us by.
Time still went on ... life was still being lived.
No matter your struggle, feelings, emotions ... life still goes on. Take the time to grieve, cry, sleep ... it is okay. It is your bodies way of helping your brain understand your hurdle, but after all of that make sure you keep one foot in front of the other.
Take in all of the beauty and support around you during your hardest times. It will help you stay centered and build your strength to keep striving for your dreams.
Life is a beautiful struggle ... make the most out of every minute.